From the moment you wake up, until you fall asleep at night, some form of sexual attraction, repulsion, or competition affects your interactions with other humans. Evolution has made us this way. To be sexually alive.
During moments alone, you might ruminate on past or future interactions. To be born is to be sexual, in mind, body, and emotions. The best psychological study available indicates that the average young man thinks about sex 32 times a day, and the average young woman, 19. In my experience, those numbers are on the low side, since feelings and body sensations don't always make it to the level of conscious thought. An example of that might be a little twinge of insecurity from a lover's glance at your body. Whatever the exact number, it is high enough to make an impact on most people's lives. If you live with a sexual partner, your day might begin with loving touch. Or you might wish you had woken up alone. If you are attracted to your partner, you want that reciprocated. But if it isn't, unsettling feelings or sensations arise. We are sensitive to the ego boosting or busting nature of interactions with a lover. Interactions with everyone else are colored with yes, no, indifference, or dominance and submission signals. These categories blip through our consciousness, as part of our primal nature. Whether we are aware of it, or not, a reproductive fitness program is running. It has to. There is technically nothing more important in life. Religions and other forms of culture hvae sought to suppress or control our primal nature, with varying degrees of success. But never completely, no matter how severe the punishment. The messages, the signals, leak out in code, or subterfuge. They cannot be stopped. I chose to embrace our ever-present nature, and dedicated myself to learning everything I could about sexuality, and communication, including working as a sexual healer, so I could maximize understanding and experience. It has been a satisfying journey, and I am now able to share what I have learned. Hence the birth of this blog, Sexy Relating, which will explore how thoughts, feelings, beliefs, knowledge, traumas, words, body language, touch, and sensations, affect the health of sexual relationships. Every day, your genes, your culture, and your lover, battle to dominate your existence. Sexy Relating will help you understand these competing pressures, and how to successfully navigate amongst their rocky shores.
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Seva KennOver 40 years of exploration and career in sex and relationships. Author of When Lover's Attack! ArchivesCategories |